Victim Blaming and Relationship Abuse

One of the Center’s main goals is to eliminate barriers and increase survivors’ access to safety, resources and support. Victim-blaming attitudes are one of these barriers and place survivors in greater danger.
First of All, Where Does It Come From?

One reason people blame a victim is to distance themselves from an unpleasant occurrence and thereby confirm their own invulnerability to the risk. By labeling or accusing the victim, others can see her as different from themselves. People reassure themselves by thinking, "Because I am not like her, because I do not do that, this would never happen to me."
Why Is It Dangerous?

Victim-blaming attitudes only work to marginalize the victim and make it harder for her to come forward and report the abuse. If she knows that you or society blames her for the abuse, she will not feel safe or comfortable coming forward and talking to you.

Victim-blaming attitudes also reinforce what her abuser has been saying all along; that it is her fault this is happening to her. It is NOT her fault or her responsibility to fix the situation; it is the abuser’s choice. By engaging in victim-blaming attitudes, society allows the abuser to perpetrate violence against his partner while avoiding accountability for his actions.
What Does Victim-Blaming Look Like?

Example of Victim-Blaming Attitude: “There are possibilities for a happy relationship if both parties are willing to change.”

Reality: This statement assumes that the victim is equally to blame for the abuse, when in reality, abuse is a conscious choice made by the abuser. Abusers have a choice in how they react to their partner’s actions. Options beside abuse include: walking away, talking in the moment, respectfully explaining why an action is frustrating, breaking up, etc.

Additionally, abuse is not about individual actions that incite the abuser to hurt his partner, but rather about the abuser’s feelings of entitlement and desire to control his partner.

When friends and family remain neutral about the abuse and say that both people need to change, they are colluding with and supporting the abusive partner and making it less likely that the survivor will seek support.
What Can I Do About It?

* Challenge victim-blaming statements when you hear them
* Do not agree with abusers’ excuses for why they abuse
* Let survivors know that it is not their fault
* Hold abusers accountable for their actions: do not let them make excuses like blaming the victim, alcohol, or drugs for their behavior
* Acknowledge that the survivor is her own best expert and provide her with resources and support

Remember if you are aware of abusive behavior and do not speak out against it, your silence communicates implicitly that you see nothing unacceptable taking place.


Eagle is a type of poultry that have the longest life of the world. Can reach 70 years old. But to achieve the age long as it is an eagle must make a decision that is very heavy at that age to 40.

When 40-year-old eagle, paws getting old, long and curved beak into until it almost touched his chest. The wings are so heavy because of his fur has grown dense and thick, so it is very difficult time flying. At that time, eagles have only two choices: Waiting for death, or experiencing a very painful process of transformation - a transformation process over 150 days long.
To perform the transformation, the eagle must strive to fly above the mountain peaks to the edge of the abyss and then make a nest, stopped and stayed there during the transformation process underway.

First of all, the eagle must breaking beak on the rock until the part is separated from his mouth, then grows quiet for a while waiting for a new beak. With the new beak to grow it, he had to pull out one by one his claws and when the new claw has grown, he will pluck his body one by one. A long and painful process. Five months later, the eagle feathers that had grow new. Start eagle can fly again. With the new beak and claws, the hawk began to undergo 30 years of her new life with full of energy?

In this our life, sometimes we also need to make a tough decision to initiate any process of renewal. We must be brave and willing to throw away all the old habit of binding, although old habits it is something fun.

We must be willing to leave the old behavior so that we can start flying again reaching for a better purpose in the future. Only when we are willing to let go of old baggage, open to learning new things, we've just had an opportunity to develop our latent abilities, hone new skills and face the future with confidence.

The biggest obstacle to change lies within yourself and you are the ruler over yourself. Do not let the past dulled our spirits up and wither.

You are the hawk-eagle.

Change must happen. Thus, we must change for the better from now!


Inspiration from the daily routines that involve the accuracy of the decision to write a few tips that if little-a lot of help to remind the concerned personnel. especially for routine or urgent situation faced with a situation that requires us to make decisions. Decision making can not be done carelessly, because our decision today will affect our lives in the future.

Deciding what is important is not an easy thing. Moreover, if the decision is a decision that determines the motion of the company's business. You need a long time to take the best decision. Quite often you hit "dizziness headache" because when I was thinking, you're forced to make decisions quickly.

To you who are thinking of taking a decision, try deh following quick tips:

1. Do not be afraid to make decisions. Some people are afraid of making decisions. Consequently it is not we who make decisions but keadaanlah that gives us a decision.

2. Do not make decisions emotionally, but please use consideration. Thus we are able to think rationally and calculate plus minus of every decision that we wish to take.

3. To produce quick decisions, you should not delay because the decision could not only through the process of a single night. Keep an eye on any developments that might change your decision at any time.

4. Use a sharp analysis in data processing that has been painstakingly you collect. Take the wisest decision and have the smallest risk. You also still need to supervise the implementation of those decisions one after another.

5. Make sure you know the last limit (deadline), when decisions had to be determined. After that set deadlines for yourself, when you have a decision has been made. Record the date you set as the limit deadline.

6. Please specify clearly the criteria or qualifications that you have to take decisions. For example the decision must be profitable and the company's employees or the decision is not burdensome for all concerned.

7. Gather information and important data that affects the decision. Because who knows the information is required for materials argumentation. Do not forget to set a time limit information gathering.

8. Make your decision from several alternative data and information already collected. Learn and consider the value or weight of each of these alternatives, which are the most fitting and appropriate.

9. Do not even apply subjective in making decisions. This means do not choose your favorable decision or a group of people alone.

10. When you have studied and carefully consider alternatives such decision, do not hesitate to determine the best decision from which there are several alternative decisions. Remember, hesitation will only make decisions that you take "raw" return.

11. Announce decisions you make in a timely manner and have been determined. In announcing this decision make sure that your data is supported by a strong, accurate and relevant. If you need time disclose, say that this decision was made on the consideration and mature and rational thinking.

12. Do not be afraid to expose your arguments, if any party who objected. Do not complain or protest from the recipient makes you think the decision to change the decision you've made.

13. In making decisions, you choose from several alternatives, rather than choose which one or which one is correct. So, there is no right or wrong decision. But the decisions could be result does not match what we expect. So, you do not have to regret that decision has been taken. What else is fixated on a protracted regret when the decision you took was not producing the results we expect.

14. After taking a decision, whatever the outcome, you must monitor and hold, and focus your efforts to make the best of what was decided. You can also make various adjustments so the results can be directed to the achievement of those objectives together.

15. In a quick decision, as far as possible involve the people associated with the decision taken. By involving them, you can get valuable feedback, in addition, you can invite their commitment to support the decisions that have been taken. All you can do, among others, are asking their opinions and suggestions. This information could be a reference to a decision.

Now, if the decision was unanimous, lest you pollute the consequences of the decision-making decisions that have been set together. Good decision!


Says a proverb, it takes seventeen muscles to smile and forty-three to Frown.
is lost if someone does not like or hard to smile. First remember his strength and the resulting positive effects; friendly impression, intimate, happy, relieved, and changing negative energy into positive. And second, a smile is charity lightly. Free, no need to pay and easier and lighter than the sullen or surly.

Even a thin smile, which seemed sincere, like a smile on Antonio Maria Lisa Gherardini - we know Mona Lisa - Leonardo da Vinci (1452-1519), still imply happiness. A team of researchers from the University of Amsterdam have measured the Mona Lisa's smile and get surprising results. Results from the analysis of emotion recognition software they developed to Leonardo's Mona Lisa painted in 1503 that stated that the smile of Francesco del Gioconda wife implies 83% feeling happy, 9% disgusted, 6% anxiety, and 2% angry. Even supposedly our impression of the Mona Lisa's smile will always differ as much as we view it. Hence a scientific study of the smile that smile of Leonardo's painting "more divine than human."

Imagine. The smile of a thin painting still implies so much happiness. So much mystery. What if the smile was genuine, sincere, and genuine smile, not a scratch painting invented?

A smile that seems as simple things that in fact is an indicator of the Big Shot. Besides very difficult to achieve, this one's smile is not "done", but "found." And he could not get in a short time immediately, but the achievement of a long process before. This is a smile "results".

There's an old saying, whoever said it first: if you cry when born and the people smiling, happy, then make the people cry when you die while you own smile. A maxim in all its meaning.

So obvious that there is a tremendous smile. May not have physical meaning smile, but also significant (a joy). The smile that is a representation of the life of someone who has lived all his life. When he could close his life with a charming smile, then it is the signs of a good end full of joy for the gift of God-given. the gold of life has been lived and will be lived one day in the life of the second; the eternal.

Frankly, we all expect it, right?

Friends as a gift

Understanding the nature of a friend in another perspective, of course subjectivity of personal experience. if there is justification or other views of friends, please add / correction text of this article. there who have read this article just translate the writing on the column of friends . so this article just to share for you.

As a gift, there is a nice wrapper and some bad packaging. A nice wrapper has beautiful face, or an attractive personality. Which have a face ugly wrapper ordinary, or normal personality. Or vice versa annoying and they bring to us. indeed a human trait.

As a gift, there is good content and there is bad contents. What good it had a soul so beautiful that we are fascinated when sharing feelings with him. Or when we stand to spend long hours, telling stories and entertaining each other, cried together and laughed together. We appreciate him and he appreciated us.

The contents of which have poor wounded souls. Once in the wounds so that her soul can no longer love, precisely because he/she does not feel the love in his/her life. Unfortunately we often catch him precisely the attitude of rejection, resentment, hatred, envy, pride, anger, and others.

We do not like the kind souls of this and try to avoid them. We do not know that it is not because they are basically bad. But the soul's inability to give love because he just needs our love. He requires our empathy, patience and courage us to listen to the deepest wounds of his soul.

How can we expect someone who hurt his knee running with us? How can we ask someone who is afraid of water to swim together? The wound on his knee and the fear of water to be healed, not berate them because they do not want to run or swim with us.

They're not going to say that the "knee" of their injuries or their "fear of water", they will say that they do not like running or they'll say swimming was boring and others. That's how they defend themselves.

They'll say "Dancing is not interesting" and would not say "I can not dance".
They'll say "No matches with me" and would not say "I need you with me".
They'll say "My friends have passed all" and would not say "I'm lonely".
They'll say "I was bad, who would stand with me" and would not say "I need to be accepted".
They will say "The story of my life boring" and would not say "I want to be heard".

They were all present for us, whether good or bad packaging, whether it good or bad. And do not be fooled by the packaging. Only when we meet the soul-with-soul, we know the real gift from God prepared for us.

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